Living here at the Awakened Life Project has been a challenge at many levels, it has made me reevaluate everything I have taken for granted and as a result I have seen how some ideas imposed by my past and my culture were limiting my authentic self-expression...

I love this country of ours, the nature, the people, the culture. Portuguese culture has many very positive aspects: the joy, the appreciation of family, friends and community, openness to foreigners and innovation, humility and peace, the spirit of discovery and entrepreneurship...At our Project people come from all over the world, from completely different cultures, and the resident members are also different nationalities: American, British, Austrian, German & Dutch. It has been very interesting to investigate the different cultural ideas that sometimes can cause misunderstanding and that can limit our potential to develop. It is a constant process of inquiry and discovery to answer the question: how can I be myself in this situation, in this society, in this culture? How do I behave in an appropriate manner that takes cultural expectations in account but without limiting the true expression of myself?

The Austrian and Portuguese cultures, for example, are especially opposite in many ways and it has been very positive to investigate the peculiarities of our cultural conditioning with Marko. Now, at the peak of winter it is very cold at night, the sun barely sets in our beautiful valley. But I still sleep in the tent. At some point, everyone wondered how I could bear to sleep in the tent, was I okay, was it not too cold ... and I responded in a typical Portuguese way: "Yes it is very cold, sometimes it's hard but ... really, what else am I going to do?".

One day I decided to ask Marko to stop always asking me the same thing, because I do not want to be always complaining about the cold! Then he told me that I was not complaining! Even if I had been cold at times and that was difficult, I could respond with good humor and positive pride, and he explained how I could respond. But I could not imagine talking like that! In my imagination I thought I was going to be arrogant and superior. But Marko said he would not think that at all... So why was it so hard for me to imagine myself responding differently than usual?

When I looked at the background to this question I realized that I have a strong conditioning, as a woman and a Portuguese, to never show my strength, to appear and feel victimized by life and by my own choices. When people were concerned about me, I almost always felt that I had to apologize for causing such concern and assumed a role of being a victim, as if he had no choice, and answered in a tone of voice and with body language in line with that. But actually it was I who chose to continue sleeping in the tent! Why? Because I think it is healthier for me to breathe the fresh mountain air all night. Because the cold does not bother me that much. Because I like to sleep surrounded by trees, in contact with Earth. I feel better, happier than if I slept in the house! So why not take my choice with pride and determination? Yes, it's cold, but so what? If I wanted to change my situation, then I would find another solution. I do not need to pretend that I am less than I am and I do not need to apologize for my choices.

Portuguese culture has this thing where we see ourselves as victims of destiny, of fate. When we ask: How are you? The most common answer is "Oh I am going..." When someone is struggling, we say "That's life ..." There is a sense of passivity and a fear of being creators of our own destiny. There is an avoidance of showing our real strength, which is very big, for as a people we are strong, we are resilient, we are able to fend for ourselves in the toughest situations. But our culture teaches us that we can not show this, we should not stand up, we should be like everyone else, for fear of others thinking that we are too proud, for fear of gossip and envy...

And as women, this fear of standing out is even greater. In most Western cultures, women should be docile and passive. Who has not encountered the typical "macho" man who thinks that women can not do anything, who speaks to us like we were stupid and/or speaks with the men around us instead of with us directly, when we are really responsible for the issue that is being addressed? This used to irritate me a lot ... until now. Because now I realize my role in this situation. I was also taking on the role of a woman as being weak and indecisive, I was afraid to speak with confidence and dignity, and that is why men treated me well, culturally speaking, but still looked down on me. When I changed my attitude, the answer I got was totally different. I was treated with respect!

So, I will endeavor to overcome this negative side of our cultural conditioning. I'll stop being afraid to choose my own life and express positive self-esteem (when appropriate) in what I have achieved. I have to leave passivity behind if I believe I can change and make the world a better place for me and for everyone. I will face life with my head high with dignity, strength and courage.

I am going to give up thinking that I am worthless and that I must apologize to exist and that I cause inconvenience to other people, people who love me and want to help me. We all know the pleasure of helping a friend who needs us, why do we think that when others help us they will be upset? I am going to give and receive freely. I recognize the love that exists between us and I give, but I'm afraid to receive. I believe that life is a positive force and I have everything going for me when I decide to actually take responsibility for my own future.

This is my challenge every day. Learning to believe in my own value, to believe in the love I receive from those around me, to ask for help when needed. Learning not to be afraid to show myself as I am, to show my strength and courage, to not minimize the real challenges I have faced and continue to face, being open to life with dignity.

Being strong, showing courage, facing the challenges I set myself, does not make me a "superior" person. We all have this capacity in us! It is all up to us, we just have to have the courage to do it! Anyone could do the same, we just have to recognize this possibility and choice. When I know this, I feel a great humility. I am not special, I am no better than others. I'm just a person who made a different choice - the choice to be free, to go beyond the culturally conditioned limits.

And you too can make that choice!

Sara Moura-Tamames